Spira's Last Shred of Sanity
by Kaze no Ato
Summary: This story follows the adventures and misadventures of two Blitzball players, unlikely friends who fight against each other more than with. One a sassy Al Bhed girl, the other a flirty Kilikan boy. All OCs, follows canon events for X & X-2.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X © Square-Enix.

Kaze no Ato's A/N: Well, here we are. If you're wondering who the HELL these OCs are… they are mine and hikari's FFX role-playing characters for my old forum. This starts out somber, but turns into hilarious fun. Updates will most likely be sporadic; I've got a lot of stuff written [a lot was taken from our RP posts], about 11 pages total with another half-page of ideas, but I'm in college and this term is hellish. Um, our characters? …they are insane, by the way. If you need an Al Bhed translator, since my character is Al Bhed and speaks in her native tongue now and again... FFExtreme . com has a good one.

hikari345 A/N: Yush, very insane. Beware for they may very well cause side effects of massive giggling and random laughs. _ Enjoy our awesome OC's.

Spira's Last Shred of Sanity:

The Misadventures of Kaizer and Katrinka

The way the sky seemed to change on the shore here amazed the young warrior as he gazed out over the horizon where they would be conducting Operation Mi'ihen. On the Mi'ihen Highroad the sky was nothing but pure blue, yet here the sky contained warm colors that reminded him of a dying fire. It looked sad and mournful. A few giggles and banter drew the youth's eyes over to some girls. They were speaking Al Bhed obviously, one pointed at him and smiled at her friend. She must've had thought he was hot obviously. He grinned back at her.

"You'd better leave them alone man! Al Bhed girls can get nasty when it comes to Yevonites hitting on them." One crusader said to the young man as they were setting up the cannons for firing.

"Hey man, I know women inside and out. I don't need any advice, besides, they're the ones that need to be warned." He chuckled.

"Psh, you're a cocky one. What's your name son?" The older crusader asked the youth.

"I'm Kaizer, you can call me Kai. Girls call me daddy." Kai answered. They both laughed.

"My name's Darro. I like you kid. A lot of the other soldiers are scared. The fight with Sin doesn't seem to be phasing you much." He made note of the young soldier.

"Well... to say I'm not feeling queasy would be a lie. I don't know if I'm scared or just anxious to kick some of Sin's fat scaly ass!" He grinned as cocky as ever. They both laughed again.

"That girl keeps looking at you." Darro pointed out while pretending to be loading the cannon and nodded in her direction.

Sure enough when Kaizer looked up he saw her again. He bit his lip while studying her. She was a pretty little thing. Kai had always had a thing for Al Bhed girls; he had even begun studying how to speak the language so he could flirt with them easier. Trying to hit on them in Spirian tongue was fun but too much of a headache.

"Well go on son. Talk to her." Darro winked at him and nudged him.

"Oh I'll do more than talkin' Pops." He smiled and walked over to the group of Al Bhed girls. He stopped just short of them and noticed them leaning up against their large machina that was apparently going to defeat Sin. "Rao drana myteac. Ruf oui tuehk?" He spoke slowly and with a horrid accent.

Two of the ladies laughed and the other one just glared at him. "Please don't speak in Al Bhed anymore." One of them begged him with a smile. "You're not very good at it. Besides we know Yevonite words well enough." She told him.

"Heh, sorry 'bout that." He grinned and scratched his ear. "So, you ladies ever been with a guy outside of the desert?" He asked with a sly grin. "I can show ya how a Yevonite has a good time." He winked, the two giggled but the other seemed unimpressed. "What about you sugar lips? You look like you need a good man to show you a fun time." He tried to get her to smile but she rolled her eyes.

"C'mon babe. I mean, just one date, please. I promise I'll make it worth your while... and maybe I'll teach you some anatomy later." He would have winked had he not been knocked flat on his ass by a punch straight for his eye, he moved his head back enough for her to hit his chin and knock him off balance. She spit near him and called him a Yevonite Pig in Al Bhed.

"Yeah well, bitch!" He said standing up as she walked away. "So what's the deal with your friend?" He asked the other two.

"Oh that's just Katrinka... she's always like that."

"Yeah, well nice talkin' to ya ladies but I gotta finish work on these cannons or my commanding crusader will chew me a new asshole." He winked and kissed one girl on the cheek.

"Bye Kaizer!" One called after him, the other was still blushing and stuttering. He wondered how they knew his name and wondered if they had asked about him. He looked back at the girl named Katrinka... damn she was a fiery little thing. He liked a woman with sass, and attitude. He made a promise to himself he'd make her talk to him one way or the other.

He began working on the cannons again, and when he finished he made his way over to the tent she was in, drinking some Al Bhed Rum. "That any good?" He asked her.

"Depends... if you're man enough to stand the stronger stuff." She gave him a funny look as he took a swig straight from the bottle. He shuddered from the strength of the alcohol but decided he liked it. "I thought me punching you would make you go away." She frowned.

"I like my drinks like I like my women. Tough." He grinned.

"I bet your comrades have fun with you at night." She rolled her eyes.

"If they have boobs, they certainly do." He sat down across from her.

"You're a pig." She kicked him from under the wooden table.

"Oooh kinky." He winked and took another swig.

"You better not drink it all. It's all I have." She warned. There was a long pause and then he heard the cries of the sin spawn.

"Little bastards. My faction and I captured one of them. They weren't too tough." He grinned.

"Sin spawn aren't sin though. You better not get too caught up in your abilities. I could kick your ass. I have no doubt sin will have any problem doing so either." She smirked while insulting him.

He heard a bugle calling him. "I better go. Captain Lucil is gonna have a briefing... Hey. Take care of yourself out there. My name's Kai." He walked away but then turned before he left. "And by the way, you hit like a girl just so you know." He rubbed his sore jaw and made his way to the front lines.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Operation Mi'ihen: named for the road upon which the operation took place, the road named after the great warrior Mi'ihen whom founded the Crimson Blades, later known as the Crusaders. The Crusaders, the brave men and women (blinded by Yevon's false teachings as they were) numbered highly among those corpses that littered the beach. The smoke from the wrecked machina stung the eyes of one young woman, a girl who wasn't even into her seventeenth year. Picking herself up from the sand, she choked when, through the smoke, she saw the broken bodies of her parents. Tears came to her green spiraled eyes as she looked at the bloodstained sand, knowing that her parents were dead.

Her platinum-blonde hair was matted to her face with sweat and more than a little of her own blood. Operation Mi'ihen, a joint effort between the Al Bhed mechanists and the Yevonite Crusaders. An effort that used the 'forbidden' machina, an effort that would likely get the surviving Crusaders excommunicated from Yevon's halls. Operation Mi'ihen was a complete and utter failure. Sin had destroyed the machina weapon that was supposed to kill it.

"Ramb! Ec drana yhouha rana?" the girl shouted in her native tongue, before choking back a sob. Lying in a pool of blood was a Crusader, his chest ripped apart and his face contorted in a painful visage. "Help!" she cried out.

A groan caught her attention, only a few paces in front of her. She stumbled her way over to the body that was covered in debris. The young man was obviously a Crusader, and he was around her age. She pulled off some of the debris, to reveal the red eyed youth she had met earlier. The one that had made a pass at her, if her memory was right.

"Kaizer Wolfe?" She murmured, shaking him in attempt to rouse him.

The youth groaned and shifted a bit, wincing as he tried to move his left leg. "K-Katrinka? Babe, is that you?"

If either of them hadn't been so hurt, she would've hit him. As it was, she was fumbling with the Al Bhed potions in her bag, finding that half of them were broken and spilling into her bag. Katrinka uncorked a bottle and held it to Kaizer's mouth. "Drink, it'll help you."

The potion sloshed over his lips and down his throat, working to mend the torn muscles in his leg. "Hey babe, do you remember what happened?"

Katrinka wiped her mouth of the remnants of the potion she had just downed. "Other than Sin decimating both the mechanists and the Crusaders?" her voice was terribly bitter, "Other than my parents shielding me so that they died and I was only wounded?"

Kaizer winced, but this time not in pain. He sat up as best as he could, reaching over and hugged her. The tough Al Bhed girl he had met earlier that had laid him out flat, giving him a swollen lip and a wounded pride, was crying. Kaizer was at a loss for words; he had just lost a lot of the men and women that he had trained with but Katrinka had lost her parents. Shifting a bit, Kai put an arm around her shoulders in a semblance of a hug. "I'm really sorry, babe. But hey… we need to move. I think I can stand now, since you fixed me up pretty good. How about you?"

Katrinka nodded, standing up slowly. With her help, Kaizer was able to stand and walk. The two drug themselves through the corpses, the littered machine parts, supporting each other physically and emotionally. The stench of acrid smoke and blood filled both of their noses and stung their eyes. After some time, they found their way into a makeshift camp that some of the surviving Crusaders had made. By the time they had made it there, Kaizer's leg wound had reopened and Katrinka was getting dizzy from the concussion that she had received. Two Crusaders rushed forward to take Kaizer from Katrinka's grasp and began to pull him toward a tent. A man came up to Kat as she swayed slightly.

"Thank you for brining him here, but you're no longer needed." He said gruffly, his eyes hard as they glared down at her.

Katrinka was shocked into silence, not believing the audacity of the man standing before her. Dismissing her just because she was an Al Bhed. The man made a wave with his hand and that was when she found her voice. She hissed at him. "Oui cuh uv y pedlr. E's kuehk du cru -"

Her voice was drowned out by a yell. The sound came from none other than Kaizer Wolfe, whose eyes were blazing angrily. "You bastard, if it hadn't been for her I would be dead right now." He struggled away from the men that were leading him to the tent, "If you think that you're going to just send her away, then you'll be sending me away too. If she doesn't get treatment, then I don't either."

The man was taken aback by the ferocity in Kaizer's eyes, and numbly allowed Katrinka to follow Kaizer into the tent to be mended.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

A soft groan escaped Kaizer's lips when he awoke, not knowing what time of day it was much less what day it was. A splint on his left leg prevented him from moving with his normal fluidity as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the cot. He was thankful that a pair of crutches was beside the cot, which he used to make his way out of the tent. The sun was low on the horizon, giving a pinkish-orange glow to the landscape. An older man waved at him and Kai realized it was Darro.

"Hey old man." Kaizer greeted cockily as he hobbled his way over to him, "Looks like Sin didn't get you."

Darro let out a dry chuckle, "I'm surprised meself, son. Seems to me that yer a bit worse for wear."

"Nothin' but a scratch." Kai replied, only to get scoffed at. "All right, you've got me there. If it weren't for Katrinka I don't know if I would've been found before I bled out."

"Katrinka? Y' mean that pretty Al Bhed thing that knocked y' flat before the operation started? Maybe there is somethin' to that charm o' yers, kiddo." Darro commented and then turned thoughtful, "Come t' think of it, I saw her a couple dozen feet down that way lookin' all sad."

"Kat… she lost her parents in the operation. They died shielding her." Kaizer said softly, "Thanks for letting me know where she's at."

Darro shook his head as he watched the younger man make his way to see the Al Bhed girl. Their demeanors were completely different from before the start of the operation; smiles and witty banter were thrown out replaced by a somber mood and sadness. Katrinka looked up as Kaizer struggled to sit down next to her, which she ended up helping him with. Side by side with their backs to a stalagmite, they sat in silence. Neither knew exactly how to say what they were feeling, so when they both turned to look at one another at the same time they froze. Katrinka's voice died in her throat, her thank you gone unsaid as she stared at the brunette. Kai slowly smiled, it was the perfect opportunity for him and he couldn't exactly pass it up. Swift as lightning, he touched his lips to hers. Quicker still, he was shoved away and got a good smack. Two days later they parted ways with a small hug when no on was watching, thinking that they were never going to see each other again. If only they knew that they were destined to meet again.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

..One Year Later..

Kaizer loved Luca. So many people there, so many hot chicks. But most of all a place to BLITZ! He had joined the Kilika Beast's again for a short while since they needed to replace one of their team mates who was sick with the Besaid Blossom Rash. A nasty plant that had found it's way to Kilika, all the native Besaid Islander's knew to beware of it but unfortunately not very many people in Kilika did. The rash is very painful and irritating, in addition to being super contagious.

The sun was always so bright here and the sky so blue. The smell of the salty sea with the ocean breeze. He loved it and had considered making Luca his permanent residence. His teammates had gotten off their ship and made their way to the locker rooms where they were getting preps. Kai had been practicing in a pool located under the stadium the majority of the day before his captain called him to the lockers. There he had given him instruction's to sign up and make sure they were to play against the Luca Goers last so they wouldn't lose in the first round to the pricks.

Kaizer was running as fast as he could, glancing up ever so often to see the clocks that were hanging so conveniently everywhere to make sure he was there at the front desk at exactly 8 o'clock. Kai had just rounded the curve to make it to the front desk when he suddenly collided into an unsuspecting loiterer. They had both been knocked to their rumps on the ground. Kai had the air knocked out of him and was sure he would get some bruises from this. He looked up to see that his victim was still alive, and also was a woman. For his eyes landed on her breast which were rising and falling with breath. While he was admiring he didn't see the malice in her green swirling eyes. Nor did he see the hand that slapped him across the face.

"OW DAMN!" He glared up at her. "You bitch! Why'd you hit me for?!" He yelled at her, then his eyes grew wide as he instantly recognized her as the Al Bhed girl from Operation Mi'ihen. The one who had saved his life after Sin had decimated all of their troops into nothing. "K-kat.." He tried to say her name, he could never forget it and he was eternally grateful.

She wouldn't let him have another word. "I hit you because you ran into me and then stared at my chest like it was an airbag. Wake up dumbass! Why are you flying around a corner like that, it's a desk! People stand here you idiot.... Oh my god... it's you..." She suddenly realized who she was yelling at too as her anger was replaced by surprise. He began to calm down but not for long. She slapped him in the face again and she looked even angrier. "YOU MORON! What the hell are you doing here?! Are you stalking me or going to ask me for another date?! Or try to kiss me again after I'm mourning the death of my parents!" She glared at him like a wasp would give an ant before she stung it.

He rubbed his now red face. "I WAS DRUNK MISSY! And excuse the hell out of me but last time I checked, Luca Stadium was a place for the public so I'll walk where ever the hell I want to, even if it means knocking some prude on her ass!"

He shoved her a little to get the point across that she one bit did not intimidate him. It was definitely the wrong move to make because in a split second she had thrown a punch straight for his face. He dodged it luckily and used the force of her throwing fist and trip of his foot to make her stumble, she ran right into one of Kaizer's own team mates. It wasn't long before both teams' members were having an all-out brawl. Kai took the golden opportunity to punch several people on his team that he disliked in the face. Chances like this were once in a lifetime after all. He had just turned around when he felt a tap on his shoulder and it was all to late for him before he felt Katrinka's hand straight for his eyeball, this time she hit her target. She had found him in the sea of angry fighting Blitzers. When the crowd dispersed and the authorities arrived all fingers pointed at the two of them, and they were both disqualified from the tournament and sent to jail.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

Katrinka looked across the hall to a cell identical to her own, sitting there was Kaizer with a blackening eye. A smug expression played on his face, much to her annoyance. She could feel the bruises that were forming on her body from the brawl, even though that had been more fun then she has in a while. The worst part was being disqualified from blitzing in tonight's game.

"I cannot believe your idiotic teammates started a brawl in the middle of Luca." Kat growled.

"Tch, babe… you threw the first punch. Those guys were just defending me." Kai said lazily, leaning against the wall of his cell casually.

"Oh, don't give me that." Katrinka said, rolling her eyes. "Don't think I didn't see you throw a couple of punches at a few members of your OWN team."

Katrinka cracked her neck, back and knuckles. It was going to be a very long night, especially with Kaizer as her only company. The cell she was in smelled and was extremely damp. Of course, it was hard to find a place in Luca that wasn't a little damp. The guard on duty walked down the steps toward their cells. A wide smile formed on Kaizer's face upon seeing the guard was a buxom blonde. Katrinka bit back the groan that threatened to escape her lips.

"Would you look at that…" Kaizer whistled low.

"And what is that?" the guard asked.

"I just never thought I'd ever see a prison guard as beautiful as you, gorgeous." Kai flashed her a dazzling smile.

Kat felt the need to her hit her head against the wall repeatedly as she watched Kaizer flirt with the guard. On second though, she wished she could beat Kaizer's head against the wall.

"How long until you get off duty?" Kai asked sweetly.

"In the next half-hour, actually." She murmured, her cheeks flushed.

"What a damn shame. If I wasn't locked up, I'd take you on a date." Again with that smile.

Before Kat knew it, the guard was unlocking Kai's cell. A mischievous grin, a wink Kat's way and Kaizer was escorted out of the jail. Katrinka followed him out with a long string of Al Bhed curses.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

"Cdibet Shoopuf-pnyehat yccruma!" she yelled out.

It has been five hours since Kai had been released. She heard another guard thunder down the stairs, a menacing look on his face as he entered the holding area. As he opened his mouth, he simply crumpled to the floor. Behind him stood none other than a smiling Kaizer, holding the female guard's keys.

"A Shoopuf-brained asshole, huh?" Kai asked, grinning widely. "I'm not sure I want to let you out now, babe."

But his words had no weight behind them. The key slid into the lock and with a soft 'click', the cell door was opened. A smile passed between the two of them as they quietly crept out of the jail and out into the salt air of Luca. It was late evening or early night, depending on whom you asked, and Luca's crowds had died down considerably. The two strolled in silence until they reached an empty dock, seating themselves at the end with their legs dangling over the calm ocean waters. Time seemed to have little meaning as the two survivors of Operation Mi'ihen basked in the calm lull of the waters, the moonlight lending a surreal feeling to the atmosphere. It was Katrinka that broke the silence first.

"I can't believe we both ended up being Blitzers." Kat said with a soft chuckle, "Kilika, huh?"

"Yeah, it's where I'm from originally." Kaizer replied lazily, giving her a lop-sided smile that didn't hold any of its normal perverseness. "Your team choice makes sense, babe. I'd heard the Psyches had a knew center, I take it that's you?"

"You got it, Kai. Besides Blitzing, what have you been up to the last year?"

"First few months after we split, I was out of commission still. Apparently the shrapnel torn a muscle, hurt like hell." Kaizer's grin gained back some of its perverted airs. "Got a lot of sympathy from the gals back home, if you catch my drift. After that I worked to get my strength back, did a few odd jobs in Kilika… the rebuilding process is slow, but it's going well. After that, it was all Blitz. You?"

"I went back to Bikanel, Cid let me hitch a ride along with some of the others. We wanted to see if Home could be salvaged, after what those Yevonites did to it." The way she spat out the word made it seem as a curse, "If you think the rebuilding is slow in Kilika, you should see Home. I don't even know if we can save anything, we might just have to scrap it all and start all over."

Kaizer winced a bit, hearing the bitterness in her voice. She had the right to be bitter. Hell, he would be too if he were in her place. Figuring he needed to change the subject to a lighter note, he scanned his brain for something. "The Psyches lost four to one, just so you know."

Katrinka rolled her eyes, "Not to brag, but our back-up center is no where near as good as I am. No wonder the Fangs beat us. How about the Beasts, did they win?"

"Hell yeah, babe!" Kai grinned, "Six to three, we had the Glories."

And it was a conversation along those lines that lasted into the morning, where the two of them parted ways once again.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaze: Thank you Jennifer, for your most humorous review. Katrinka as your hero? Aw, that's so sweet! We're glad to be of service in providing amusement.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

..Two and a half Years Later..

Kaizer wandered the streets of Luca. It had been a year since the combined effort of the Al Bhed and Tidus's knowledge of how HIS Zanarkand looked made the city possible. Built in the shadow of the ruined Zanarkand of this Spira stood a city of lights, one that never slept with a sphere pool to rival any this world would ever know. Kai had jumped on the chance when Tidus asked him to join the Abes, the most badass team in the Blitzing scene. He had just been released from his contract by the Beasts and was a free agent itching to get back in the pool, and if moving to New Zanarkand was the price to pay… Hell, he'd pay it willingly. The city was perfect in his eyes. It wasn't the same, however, without knowing he'd be going up against Katrinka. She had been cut from the Psyches suddenly, around eight months ago with no explination. Kai always thought it was a dumb move, considering she was their top scorer. He was completely floored when no team picked her up. He'd been enjoying life, sure, but Kat made life interesting. It was with that thought in mind that he decided to take a little trip to Luca to visit Rin, maybe play a little Sphere Break and convice him to let his niece quit working at his Thunder Plains Travel Agency. As he walked out of Luca, Kai rented a Chocobo to get him on his way toward the Moonflow, which would eventually lead him to his destination of the Thunder Plains.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Thunder rolled overhead, lightning flashing in the distance and rain poured from the heavens endlessly. Of course, that wasn't anything new for the Thunder Plains. Two figures stood by a large tower, staring down at a machine at the base of it. The offending machine was supposed to be calibrating the tower to draw lightning away from hapless travelers, but today it wasn't cooperating in the least. The two Al Bhed had been out in the rain for at least six hours, attempting to recalibrate the towers once again. The last two hours had been spent on their very last tower. Katrinka glared at the offending tower, which stubbornly refused calibration. She shifted to the side, her sword hip jutting out as she did so. Katrinka sighed as she inspected it before looking at the Al Bhed man next to her. "Ymnekrd, **Nedus**, mad'c keja ed uha suna crud."

Nedus nodded to her and engaged the calibration machine. Katrinka gritted her teeth and proceeded to enter the complex series of commands that flashed across the screen. The commands began to flash faster and faster until they finally stopped. Nedus doubled checked the readings, giving Kat a thumbs-up that the calibration had held. Nedus lifted his mask to smile at her, which she readily returned. Gathering the equipment with them, they trekked their way back to the Travel Agency. Once inside, warmth and dry towels greeted them.

"Ou, **Rinka**! Uin hafacd kiacd fyc ycgehk vun oui po hysa. Ra fyc bnaddo lida duu, ajah ev rec Al Bhed haatat cusa caneuic fung." Naila said from behind the counter, her green eyes glittering mischievously.

A groan escaped Katrinka's lips. "Ra teth'd rybbah du ryja cbegat pnihadda ryen, y lulgo kneh yht y runnepmo vmendydeuic yddedita tet ra?"

Before Naila could answer, a laugh reached its way from the back rooms. Quickly enough Kaizer Wolfe came into the lobby, his face brightening considerably upon seeing a half-soaked Katrinka before him. "Hey babe, glad you could join us."

"What are you doing here of all places?" Katrinka demanded, throwing her wet towel at his head. He caught it easily enough, his grin widening. "Shouldn't you be in a bar somewhere trying to pick up some skank?"

"Babe, you wound me." Kaizer hung his head in mock sadness; "Can't a guy just pay a visit to his friend?"

"…no."

"Okay, you've got me there. It's been what… six months since we saw each other last? Eight since you stopped Blitzing?" Kai paused, "I still don't know why you stopped."

An exasperated sigh escaped the Al Bhed Blitzer's mouth; "How about you get to the real reason you took the trouble to find me?"

"Wasn't a trouble at all, Kat. I was in Luca and your uncle was there." Kai coughed, seeing the look Katrinka was giving him. "We've got a spot open on the Abes… I was wondering if you'd want to play for us. Rin said it would be fine with him if you did."

Katrinka stared at the spike-haired young man, hardly believing her ears. One thing was certain, she loved to play Blitzball. The only reason she had truly stopped was the team, more specifically a guy on the team that decided to get a little too fresh with her in the locker room. Of course she had beat the living hell out of him, but that had caused a rift among her teammates.

"So what you're telling me is that you want me to pack up my stuff, and come back with you to New Zanarkand?"

"You bet your cute little ass, babe!" Kaizer grinned, until he saw a fist playing at his face. He managed to dodge the fist just in time by stepping back and to the side, after which he held up his hands defensively. "Whoa!"

Naila glanced between them, wondering how those two had managed to end up as friends. She looked at Katrinka and cocked an eyebrow. "Oui fana nekrd. Ra ec geht uv yhhuoehk." She said softly, and much too quickly for Kaizer to catch it all. He was certain it was something about him though.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

It was a late night in a dingy bar for Katrinka and Kaizer. The first thing that Kaizer had decided to show Kat was the bars of New Zanarkand. Kat had to admit that up until this one, the bars had been pretty decent. The Al Bhed girl sat alone at the bar, her fellow Blitzer had left her as soon as he had spotted loose women in tight skirts. The bartender asked if she wanted a refill on her drink and she declined. The alcohol in the bar was far from top shelf and they didn't even carry her preferred drink of Al Bhed rum, Yevonite drinks just didn't have the same kick to them. Over the hubbub of the bar, a giggle that was a little too high pitched rattled Kat's eardrums. Her swirled eyes were drawn to Kaizer and the latest woman he had picked up as they drew closer to her seat at the bar.

"So um... won't your girlfriend mind?" Skank number… whatever, asked Kai and motioned toward Kat.

"Nah, she's not my gal, just my faithful hag." He smirked at his own wit, having wooed the sexy girl and gotten in his burn of the night on Katrinka.

"Yeah, I'm his fag hag." Katrinka piped up, returning Kai's smirk with a superior one.

"Ew, queer." The skank replied, pushing Kai away and walking straight into another guy's arms.

Kai hung his head in defeat, casting a glare at Kat. "You just cost me a bed tonight... I hope you know I'm crashing at your place now." He crosses his arms. "I got kicked out of my apartment. Apparently having a domesticated Ochu is forbidden."

"A domesticated...? Wait, no. Never mind. I don't really think I want to know why."

This was how one Al Bhed girl found her extra room occupied by none other than Kaizer Wolfe, and a miniature Ochu that Kai claimed was domesticated. She stared at him from her favorite chair as said Kilikan boy lounged on her -now their- couch, in nothing but his boxers. Two days and he had officially destroyed the neatness of the spare bedroom. Not only that but the damned Ochu, which Kaizer felt the need to name Morrison, found a way to get out of its cage and make a mess of things.

"How is it that you have no sense whatsoever?" Kat asked out of the blue.

"I may have no sense, but at least I have my dignity!" Kai proclaimed.

Katrinka raised an eyebrow at his statement. "Really..?"

"…Oh who the hell am I kidding? I don't even have that."

"You're damn right you don't." As she was about to reach over and hit him, a suspicious noise from the back of the apartment caught Katrinka's attention.

"Did you hear that, Kai?" She asked, her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Eh, it's probably nothin' babe."

Kat rose from her chair, giving Kai the finger as she passed, and followed the noise to her room. A flash of anger and dread filled the Al Bhed at once as she crept into her room that was, for some reason, open.

"Damn it to the Farplane and beyond!" She screeched, "Kaizer Wolfe, your damned pet decided to relieve itself on my BED!"

"Just put a newspaper on it or something." Kai mumbled, flipping another page of the magazine he was reading.

"MY BED KAI!"

"Neeeeeeeeeewspaper. N-E-W-S-OW." He yelped, Katrinka having smacked him on the head with, ironically, that morning's newspaper. "Okay, I'll clean it up... um, I think it seeded in your shower too."

Katrinka sincerely hoped this current living arrangement would only be a termporary one. She should've known better than that. After all, it was Kaizer.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Tonight had been a smashing victory yet again for the Zanarkand Abes. Of course the proper thing to do after said smashing victory was to go to the Abes' favorite bar in New Zanarkand and get so smashed they couldn't remember whom they beat to take number one in the tournament. While most of the team crowded around the bar Kaizer and Katrinka eased themselves into their usual booth. A waitress set two glasses down on the table, a bottle of Al Bhed Rum for Katrinka and Kilikan Tonic for Kaizer. Kaizer slid her twenty Gil and a wink, causing Kat to make gagging sounds. Kai threw the Al Bhed a dirty look and poured himself a drink, downing it in one gulp and did the same with the second. Katrinka followed suit except that she sipped at her second drink. Her eyes wondered to the rest of the team, some sporting a few injuries, which resulted in them drinking heavier than the others did.

"Yo Kat. Ever wonder why we don't all sit together?" Kai asked, nodding his head toward their teammates.

Katrinka snorted, "By now they've learned to stay away from us. They don't want to get caught in the crossfire if we end up coming to blows."

Kaizer grinned and held up his drink, "To us!"

"To us; may we never get tired of pissing each other off!" She added, causing a laugh to escape from Kaizer.

The next hour provided entertainment for the pair as they watched their teammates become so fall on their ass drunk they had to be carted away. A few of the guys found rather whorish looking women and stumbled out of the bar with them, most likely going to end up sans their Gil upon waking. Kaizer easily drained his bottle and was on his second; just starting to feel a buzz when a man sauntered up to their table. He was a good six feet fall with tanned skin, unnaturally blonde hair and sparkling teeth. Something about him made Kai want to punch his face in. Kaizer looked at the man; looked at Katrinka, who shrugged and went back to drinking, and then back at the man.

"Pardon me, assface, you're blocking the miniscule light in this hazy bar. Shuffle on Adonis." Kai muttered before taking another gulp of his drink. Kat looked impressed with his use of big words and toasted him.

"Tch, I'm not here to talk to you. I just want to serenade this beautiful slip of a woman, with her lustrous hair and dazzling eyes." The man countered.

Kaizer looked at the man incredulously before laughing raucously. "Ho man. That—That's just some funny ass shit right there."

Katrinka on the other hand was far from amused. She eyed the man, typical surfer-wannabe that probably couldn't catch a wave if his life depended upon it. "Listen, I'm not here to be serenaded by a guy who probably uses lemon juice and too much sun to get his hair that blonde. I'm here to drink with the dumbass across from me. I can't deal with two dumbasses at the same time without wanting to punch something."

The man bent to one knee, trying to reach out for Katrinka's hand. "My dear, I'll make you a deal. If you can out-drink me, I will never return to this bar. If I win, you have to go on four dates with me." 

Before Katrinka could even open her mouth Kaizer shouted, "DEAL!" which he followed up with a cackle that caused their remaining, partially sober, teammates to look frightened.

Kat stared in horror as Kai vacated his seat from across her and the man slid into his spot. Kaizer yelled to their waitress to bring more bottles of Al Bhed rum and whatever the guy had been drinking thus far. When Kai turned back he found two swirled, green eyes promising him a slow and excruciating death when this was all over. Their teammates swiveled in their barstools in anticipation of their newest entertainment. Bottles were placed in front of the two participating in the drinking contest. Kai's eyes gleamed as he heard bets being placed between pretty much everyone in the bar; even the bar's owner was getting in on the action. Kat's eyes flickered to Kaizer. He looked like the cat that got the canary AND the cream. Kaizer ceremoniously poured each of the contestants their first glass, his hand in between them. He raised it with a shout of "GO!" and the two lifted their glasses and knocked them back. The man reached to pour himself another glass and faltered when he saw Katrinka pick up her bottle, then proceed to drink straight from it. The man lifted the bottle and followed Katrinka's example as she set her bottle down, a small cough escaping her lips as she tried to catch her breath. The light caught the tinted bottle right to reveal that she had chugged half its contents. Kaizer's chanting of "chug it, chug it!' sounded throughout the entire bar.

The blonde man was taking breaths between drinks, catching up to Katrinka's half bottle as she lifted it again. He should've realized his doom was imminent as she finished off the second half in a little less time than the first half. Too bad the man was thinking with his lower parts instead of his brains. Kaizer's eyes widened, he had never seen Katrinka drink that much, that fast. The contestants both picked up their second bottles and proceeded to gulp down the liquor. The man's eyes watered, his nostrils flared. Kai knew the end was near. Katrinka had to set her bottle down to catch her breath, more than half finished. Kaizer was too intent upon watching the man's cheeks bulge as he found it hard to swallow any more of the liquid. In an instant the man's bottle was on the table and he was heading toward the bathroom, making gagging noises all the way. There wasn't even half the bottle finished. Katrinka was undoubtedly the winner.

"The winner: the ever-lovely woman with the nicest ass in Spira, Katrinka!" Kaizer shouted. Their teammates cheered, the other patrons groaned as they forked over Gil in excess amounts to Kai and the rest of the Abes.

A small giggle sounded from near Kaizer. He did a double take to realize the noise had come from Katrinka, and Katrinka never giggled. Chuckled, yes. Cackled maliciously, most certainly. But never did she giggle, never in the years that Kaizer had known the Al Bhed. A wide grin spread across Kai's face as he realized the alcohol was hitting her all at once, succeeding in the one task Kaizer had never been able to do: get Katrinka completely intoxicated.

"Kat-babe, you doin' alright there?" Kai asked, trying—and failing—to keep the smile from his face.

"O'course ahm awright Kai-kai." She assured him, her silly grin and glassy eyes telling him that she definitely wasn't. "Y'know yer kinna cute."

The word blackmail flashed across Kaizer's mind as he took a drink of his forgotten liquor. This was a moment he was going to savor for a very, very long time. He reached a hand out to her, "How about a victory bow?"

Katrinka ignored Kaizer's offered hand, curiously began to climb upon her seat and then crawl onto the table before standing upon it, swaying so much as she stood up that Kaizer thought he was going to have to catch her when she fell. When she gained as much of her balance as she was capable of, she grinned victoriously. " How 'bout a vitory dance n'stead?" she shouted before beginning to move her body in a sensuous manner that Kaizer wasn't even aware that she was able to do. His jaw hit the floor; the bar hushed a moment before erupting in cheers and catcalls. Kaizer watched, half in awe and half in horror, as the girl he knew completely vanished to be replaced by the uninhibited one upon the table. She stopped her dancing long enough to pick up her liquor and take another drink, resuming as soon as she'd downed another fourth of the bottle. Kai watched in terror as she began kicking off her boots, tossing her finger-less gloves away and undid her hair. A sigh of relief passed his lips. As much as he'd like a free show, watching your friend expose herself in a completely drunken state wasn't how he wanted it. Gil was beginning to get tossed her way, but no more clothing came off. That was only a momentary relief. It wasn't until she reached for the zipper on her clothes that things came crashing to a halt. The bar owner shouted and Kai tackled her legs out from under her, causing her to fall forward so that he caught her and was now carrying her like a sack of potatoes.

"Kai-kai, ahm hot." She mumbled, hitting him in the back. He winced, wondering how her strength hadn't diminished with her intoxication.

"Yeah, I know you're hot babe. We gotta get outta here." Kai replied back, the bar owner giving him an extremely dirty look. "Put it on our tab… Hell, I'll pay the full thing off tomorrow!"

His last words were shouted as he bolted for the door and hailed a taxi. Before long he was dragging one passed out Al Bhed into the apartment they shared. Kai figured they were banned from the bar after Kat's almost strip tease. He set Kat down on her bed, where she mumbled incoherently and tossed a bit before settling down. She'd have one hell of a hang over when she woke up.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Morning came too early for the Al Bhed. The light stung her eyes, the small sound of birds chirping outside that were making her head feel like it was going to explode. Kat realized she was in her own bed, still in the clothing she wore the night before—strangely without her boots and gloves—and as much as it hurt she wracked her brain trying to think of what happened. The victory, the bar, surfer-wannabe, a loathing feeling for Kaizer, bottles of Al Bhed rum… and then nothing. She peeled her clothing off and changed into the most comfortable thing she had, a pair of pajama bottoms she had stolen from Kai and a tank top, before she stumbled out of her room. Sitting with a grin on his face and a steaming mug of coffee in hand was Kaizer.

"Good morning sunshine." Kaizer greeted. The only response he got was a hiss and a death glare from her before she shuffled to their small kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee.

Seating herself on the fluffy chair across from her roommate, she drank down some of the coffee. "Okay," she began, "What the hell happened last night?"

Kaizer grinned devilishly, "Let's see… To make a long story short: You got into a drinking contest, totally owned the guy too, then you decided to get all giggly-cute and do a sensuous little table dance. Whoops, I'm sorry. You called it a victory dance." He paused to laugh here, "And as if that wasn't enough you figured you needed to give a strip tease."

Seeing her eyes bug out and her mouth drop was enough to make him chuckle, "Never fear, I stopped you and we headed home at that point. The ending to this story is: We're kicked out of our favorite bar, damn it."


End file.
